Hmm...

Tonight was amazing. We raised money for our mission trip and God was so faithful. And yet my heart is so closed off I find it hard to even muster up enough love to say thank you to Him. I feel really sad about that. I wish I would get out of my own way sometimes. Human nature sucks. Evil in this world sucks. What makes me more sad than anything is the evil that I produce. I shame His name rather than make it famous. God please forgive me. I am not a worthy servant.

And we're back to square one.

Yes I realize I should be sleeping right now.

But I'm not sleepy. It would be great if I could just see God's plan for my life, all written out in an outline form. I would know EXACTLY what to do. I would know which classes I could skip and get away with, I would know who God had planned on me witnessing to so I don't miss anybody, I mean I would just be on top of things. How did Paul know so much?? He was so in tune with every whisper and nudge from God that it's kind of sickening. I'm jealous. I want that. I read about some things that Paul did or didn't do and I know for a fact that I would have done the complete opposite thing, thinking that God wanted me to. But Paul always seemed to know what God wanted! I think I know how he did it... Paul isn't real. It's all made up! Ok im kidding im kidding, I just pictured God getting really mad at me just then for saying that the bible is fake. COMPLETE JOKE. But seriously, I would like to know how he did it. Stinkin Paul.....

The devil must read my blogs...

After writing down my list of things I don't want to regret in 2008 I have to say that January 1, 2008 has been a struggle with quite a few things from my list.

And I have not had to deal with these issues in awhile... how ironic.

It has been so tempting to be bitter, prideful, selfish, among so many other things! It's like once I took those ideas out of hiding and onto paper I got slammed with so many things at once. I can't say for sure that I handled every situation exactly how I wanted to, but I'm pretty sure I can lay my head down tonight and say I do not regret the way I handled them. Thanks to God who is ALWAYS looking out for me and making Himself perfect in my weakness. I could have acted like a pouty 5 year old on a few occassions today and I would have had I gotten the chance, but my precious Lord saved me from even the opportunity to act out. This probably doesn't make sense to anybody reading this but the moral of the story is that today I attempted to make a change and hopefully every day I will improve at making those changes. I have not even asked the Lord to help me... how silly of me. The amazing thing about Him is that even though I did not ask, he definitely was right by my side all day today, guiding me every step of the way. How lucky are we to have him? I pray that I never forget how much He loves me.

Just A Few

Things that I want to stop regretting next year:

1. Not working out enough
2. Not being in the Word enough
3. Procrastinating
4. Being lazy
5. Not really ever being an overachiever
6. Not learning spanish
7. Not loving my roommates enough
8. Putting myself first too much
9. Not managing my money well
10. Not allowing people to become very close to me
11. Becoming too involved with old wives tells
12. Not really training very hard at all for godliness... I JUST NOW realized that it does not happen accidently. Imagine that!
13. Not being true to my word all the time. (Very important one)
14. Taking life too seriously sometimes.
15. Allowing myself to be bitter.
16. Pride

This could possibly be the most negative way of making a "resolution" list but I had the epiphany last night that my regrets can stop with me. They no longer have to creep up in my life and cause guilt from not changing them. I can actually take control and better my life today. As corny and simple this concept may sound, it was a lightbulb moment for me. In 2008 I hope that my Guide and me can nagivate through all of these regrets and change them every day so that I can become a better woman in Him.

ashie

Hi ashley, thanks for showing me how to make a blog :)